Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
