I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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