bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Randomize
