Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
