He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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