Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
