Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
