it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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