my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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