I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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