I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
