What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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