I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I have grass duct taped all over my body
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
