So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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