he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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