She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
