Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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