I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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