I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
