If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
