I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I love having hate sex.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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