i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
