Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
