Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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