I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
