idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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