Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Randomize
