also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
