What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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