Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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