I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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