i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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