eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Randomize
