see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
