put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
