I heard we made out
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Randomize
