I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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