I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
