Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
