I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
