To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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