"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
