So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
