Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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