I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
