Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize
