if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize
