At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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