we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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