my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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