I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Randomize
