i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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