i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Also, beer. Big fan.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
