dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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