You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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