TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I am mentally ready for anal.
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