so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize