just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
