Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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