omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
