There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
