Fine. I'll sleep in my office
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
