pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
