He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
