all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Just invented taco cereal.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
God, I missed his penis.
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