evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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