If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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