Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
