sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize