"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Where are you guys?
Drunk
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize