I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize
