i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
