I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Randomize
