I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
