Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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