:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
