Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
