i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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