he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
