puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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