He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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