she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
