If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
