My first STD was from a foam party
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
