I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
